Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Brent Cottrell's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 27th, 2003
1:06 pm	whoa! im in mexico! So..this is a little awkward. right now im in an internet cafe in the heart of mexico city trying to speak spanish all day and teaching people what i know to be true. ive been here 6 weeks already, which is really hard to believe. its very weird to think about how i havent really talked with any of my friends from home for almost 4 months. ive been gone 4 months? whoa. if i really wrote much of what i do here, i dont think many that read this would understand. are many people going to read this anyway? i doubt it, ive never been a livejournal writer. i really like it here. sometimes its hard because i cant just say whatever i want (or i can, but people would scream gringo). there are stray dogs everywhere, and a lot of weird looks from every corner. oh man its fun. its really funny when the natives here dont know what "beaner" or in spanish "frijolero" means, because they call us americans "frijoleros". *sigh*. the spanish is coming. far from perfect. i get a new companion tomorrow, and if he is mexican i will be able to learn a lot throughout these next 6 weeks before i have changes again. its hard to understand what the natives say, because its usually so fast and so slurred. but its coming more and more each day. i think im just too nervous about making mistakes. its been almost 4 months without my music, my movies, my friends and family, and my girl. yet i couldnt be much happier. why? because im here as a missionary for the church of jesus christ. i know a lot of things that regular people dont, and i say this humbly. ive seen things with my eyes and my hearts that people never knew existed. it only breaks my heart that a lot that i associate with will never be interested in the message of veracity of why were here, where were going, where we came from, and how one can know for themselves that there IS a God. thats why i am here, to share these messages. to any that read this, i am not trying to convert. but at some point or another ive met you personally, and i would love to share an everlasting sense of happiness that really isnt possible in the dark. ¿Me explico? anyway, the days fly by. we are busy. we wake up at 6:30 daily and goto bed by 10:30 nightly. we do a lot of walking, and a lot of people reject us because the word "mormon" is stereotyped. no one really knows who mormons are, and that we dont worship any form of "mormon". oh well. however, we have found several families that we are teaching, and i feel as if they know its true. we set a baptismal date for nov 8th for 4 people, and they couldnt be happier. if anyone would like to email me, id love to hear from you! latterdaypunk@hotmail.com still works. hope everything continues to go well back in the united states. love you all elder cottrell (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 20th, 2003
2:04 am	it finally came im going to serve in mexico, mexico city west for the next two years of my life. rock. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 24th, 2003
2:39 am	just when i thought life was bliss, i realize that it cant be that way forever. there are some things i need to straighten out, and a few areas i need to make ease with. ehh, im going to bed. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 17th, 2002
4:57 am	hey... i dont have any pre-cognition of what i was really going to say, other than i should update every once in awhile. college is...wow.. its amazing. i hear guff about "byu this" and "byu that" from other students who cant live up to the standards of this, in my opinion, excellent university. i think the most vital thing that has come to my mind so far is to live, and learn (besides getting the education). relationships happen, they disappear. it seems like the term "dating" has become obsolete. . . but that is on a tangent. the greatest enlightenment ive seen is that i am who i am, and by expressing confidence ive "become" everything ive wanted to be, but it was inside of me the entire time. i am developing who i am going to be for the rest of my life, and im happy to say that its in the direction my heart has always oriented, versus last year where i was befuddled and confused constantly. i miss my family, and i miss my friends back home, but the byu life has become my new haven. to me, it is so easy to be happy in provo, utah- i see crap happening back home that just doesnt occur here. yes, so im developing who ive always "wanted" to be. i, for once, am actually living the way i used to prescribe, and im happier for everything. im going to be going on a mission next may or june, and i actually feel as if im preparing for the experience. im acquiring a new sense of responsibility and poise, as well as independence. my school work is not quite priority #1, but im working on it. classes are fine, social life is great, but could be better. i find that i hang out with the same people all the time, and it just seems like i should go out on more random dates. maybe ill work on it, maybe ill realize that nothing matters until i return home from my mission anyway, i suppose i will have to see how the future directs my path. either which way, its all good. it seems as if my apartment and the ones direclty next door are the only "happening" bunch of guys in the entire building. i dont know if its because we all get along in such a harmonous way, or everyone else is too caught up in school-work and being conservative that nothing appeals to them. either way, im thrilled to be where i am. rock on. a group of 6 of us (simon, tanya, tim, todd, brent, dave) went to Suite13 in lindon to catch the Bowling for Soup show, and it was simply..awesome. the first band did not fit the genre for the fans the other bands attracted, and the last band just didnt catch my attention. when bowling for soup played, the 6 of us rushed right in front of the band (were talking feet away here) and absolutely went insane-crazy. we were moshing, jumping, ROCKING the entire time minus the security guard who felt the need to refrain us from the mosh. after BFS's portion of the show, we got all of their signatures on photos/cd cases and even hung out with them for a bit. very exciting stuff. for a slight period we actually went into the back room, but it smelt of beer and cigarettes. we had an excellent night. it was fun to go crazy, and the nice thing is i didnt hold anything back. this time last year i would have been hesitant to dance or skank or scream [the entire time], but none of that identity stuff exists to me. rock. ive got things to do some-what early this morning (driving to clinton, ut), so frankly i dont know what im doing at 5:12 typing my LJ. i suppose it was about time to reflect on my life, the goods, the bads...and even to demonstrate to the smallest degree whats going through my head 1000 miles away from my friends. i enjoy the chats on AIM, but i think a phone call could be in need soon... maybe ill throw some of my head in here sometime soon. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
9:49 pm	one year ago today they fell down HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH oh my.. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 8th, 2002
1:01 pm	You are 23% geek OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you. Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 28th, 2002
7:59 pm	warcraft 3 is taking control been awhile since ive updated, but then again not much interesting has happened recently. the big news in the college scene is that jarom is one of my 5 roommates at BYU, out of ALL the incoming freshmen (think of the odds), jarom is right in my apartment. im not upset about the fact that its jarom, i am upset that they paired us up; two people with completely clashing personalities and interests. i hope all ends up ok. i got my wisdom teeth out a week ago last friday, it was no sweat. the pain killers were great, but the initial numbness of my lip and tongue made it a very difficult first two hours. in retrospect, i never felt any pain, to this day, and the swelling was manageable. i played a lot of warcraft 3 and movie watching during the recoop phase, and josh came over a few times to use my CDR for his current "burn 320 album" project. ive really enjoyed the downtime ive had with all of this. warcraft 3...mmm. ive played over 120 games at this point, and ive had it since july 9. each game takes 10-60 minutes to finish, so you do the math. im afraid some of my friends are becoming a bit peeved at me never talking to them on AIM (or seldomly) because the game is just THAT demanding. i am, however, enjoying playing constantly with steve ervin, steve mefford, dusty, ryan, and a few of ervin's friends from elsewhere. my movie collection keeps growing, 179 now, woot. ive been living the nightlife with my warcraft 3 and halflife:counterstrike pursuits. the last 4 nights i have stayed up until at least 4 AM playing, and last night i got 100 minutes of sleep before i showed up at church. i havent gone to sleep since, and im still trucking (with the help of my friend caffeine). i hope to keep going until, at the latest, 2 or 3 AM tonight so i can catch up. time to get on with the evening from autumn to ashes rules. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 14th, 2002
11:31 pm	i worry too much. i worry what tomorrow will bring, i worry how my actions right now will directly relate to consequences tomorrow. would it be repetitve if i stated that i need to stop worrying? nah.. i just got off the phone with emmeline, ive been dying to talk to her since we left youth conference. i found myself nervous and somewhat monotone, and i wasnt really exciting to speak to in my own opinion. i apologized for the possibility of me being boring at youth conference, and the first thing she said was "stop worrying!". i SHOULD get the picture now, but im not. i just need to sit back, relax, and imagine im talking to a giant wedge of cheese. maybe then i would be the charming, charismatic brent i used to know. i want to ignore thinking any further about how much i like her until we go out on a date so i can be completely honest and serious. i really hope things go well. in the meantime i will cloud myself with inspiring music and try to stay on top of things, including my life. Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Opeth - To Bid You Farewell (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 13th, 2002
11:02 pm	smile youth conference was amazing this past thursday through this morning. we had a theme that closely enveloped the topic "stand for something higher". i told myself i would go without the shy mentality, and i think i passed on my goal. the first night i laid in bed with an incredible feeling and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment that i was able to open up socially on several different levels. it truely felt great to be with so many people (500+ kids aged 14-18) that actually believe what i believe and hold it at the top of their priority list as i try to. all in all it was an excellent realization of where i want to be with my life, and where i am currently heading. i think im doing a well-rounded job, but yet again im not perfect. i re-met someone who ive been in loose contact with since may, whose company i really enjoyed. the low down is that this girl possesses just about everything that i could possibly look for, well..everything that i am looking for. i dont know how to analyze the situation because i am leaving iowa for BYU in under 2 months, yet i know that i really like this person. how is it possible that i can just let go? or be expected to let go? im unsure if im correct in these feelings, but they are ever so natural and heart filled so i let them be. i really just dont know what to do, if anything at all. is it even justifyable that i think about this person for the majority of the day and night, yet we havent even gone out on one date - and as far as getting to know her ive only scratched the surface? i need to just relax.. we got back from youth conference today at a little after 3:00. as i got home i returned adams call when we decided to go bowling before his dad took him out for some "birthday adventure". we bowled 4 games, always fun to do, but neither of us did that hot. later that night adams dad did indeed plan to do some downtown eatin' and whatnot, and adam invited me along with them. we watched Euphoria play for 15 or 20 minutes before we went to buzzard billies. the food was delicious and i got to know adams dad/step mom on more of a personal basis and i really appreciated the invitation. on the way home we had an interesting conversation about random stuff, some involving morals and beliefs- stuff that i need to just sit and think about for my own good. i really enjoy the time i spend with adam and its going to be disappointing to say goodbye to him and my other close buds come the end of august. i suppose its my duty to prepare for that time now. im not sure if its possible to be happier than i am right now, or even more optimistic. hopefully i will be able to keep it up! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
12:00 am	longest day of work..ever i was temporarily cursed with A-D-D today at work, i couldnt focus or concentrate on squat. it was until i slammed in, believe it or not, liquid gang that i started to settle down and let my mind stop wandering. ive recently begun playing my music out loud at my cube, ive seen others do it, and no one has complained yet so i will keep doing so. it beats the crap out of wearing headphones and taking them off/on each time i need to get up for any given reason. before work james and i went bowling. i bowl too much, and i still have an inconsistant stroke (HUHHHUHHHUHUH). i did 4 games and he did 3- i hope he didnt mind watching me the last game. i felt i needed to redeem a bad 3rd game, but it didnt work too well at all. the first game i started things out with a turkey, then pressure got to me for the remaining 37 frames i would bowl and i messed up the rest. i feel very accomplished for something ive initiated at work. i am solely responsible for one thing out of all wells fargo home mortgage employees, and 6 months ago a program was developed by a few consultants that made my job easier. the program got passed along to phone reps and a few of us in my department, and weve been using it ever since. there were a few changes i thought of that would be nice to make the job more convenient, so i got ahold of one of those consultants and have been emailing her back and forth since yesterday. bottom line, she loves my ideas and plans to implement them, with support from the developers, and patch the program. this is a personal accomplishment because there will be hundreds effected- phone reps that need to patch up- yay for creativity! i bought warcraft3 yesterday- i know i told myself i was going to tone down on video games, but it is an incredible game! nuff said. tomorrow should be a good day, off work, without much responsibility other than laundry and packing for youth conference, so im pertty content at this point. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 9th, 2002
1:44 am	i need to actually use this thing all my friends around me are falling in love. good for them, i say! my day will come soon enough, of course. i started working 2:30 to 11:30 on mon, tues, and thurs, pulling in 27 hours a week; its actually a very functional shift, only providing an awkward sleeping schedule. i enjoy having wednesdays and fridays off, but i dont enjoy seldom seeing my friends, especially josh and even james. i could just say "josh is with whitney all the time", but its just as much my problem too. im starting to realize what real friends are. real friends can talk about anything without being offended or midunderstood. the only reason i say this is because ive realized that my friend jenn is fake and uncaring, especially to me. i probably shouldnt have, but i read her email tonight only to learn she is annoyed by me and doesnt think of me as a friend. how sickening and grimmacing that was to hear, seeing as how i considered her a near best friend as we attended seminary together. then again, im not horribly surprised just knowing the kind of insecure person she is. if somehow you read this jenn, and i doubt you will, i didnt want to mention any of this to your face because you are perfect and you never make mistakes. i need not say sarcasm. and yes, i realize i might not be the best friend available but hopefully my friends will understand that i try. am i fake? uncaring? insecure? selfish? annoying? i try not to. i try. i have to have my 4 wisdom teeth out on the 19th. i dont want to take off work for it, so i scheduled to have it done on a friday thinking i will have the weekend to recover. just in case im closer to death than i think, ive taken off monday and tuesday of the following week and have the option of just showing up if i want to. wells fargo is realistically a very good fortune on my behalf. the oral surgeon is going to use laughing gas to make me a little giddy, apply a little local anesthetic to my entire mouth, then feed me an IV (how in the world do you spell that?) to completely sedate me. ive heard the IV can hurt quite a bit, but im sure ill tough it out. no, i will tough it out. i went to colorado last week with my dad and a few others from my church- all in all it was extremely enjoyable. we whitewater rafted for about 1 1/2 days, and hiked one morning up the continential divide in the rockies. i got to spend a lot of time outdoors, in the water, and with my dad. it was also a good, deep realization to consider life outside the standard, life away from my computer, music, bowling, work, much technology, etc. it was a very good escape. i would definately go back. youth conference is coming up on thursday. prior to tonight i was very shaky and wary of going, but i can all-out say now i am looking forward to it. i want to meet new people, not be the shy guy, and be outgoing like i am when i am comfortable. i will admit that is my goal for the week. i think its time to goto sleep. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
9:40 pm	i bought a new hard drive, only took 2 years to convince myself i needed one went to church tonight, bailed out on frisby golf, and had an hour long random conversation with jenn and julie came home and listened to prodigy (Comment on this)
Monday, May 13th, 2002
7:56 am	2 more weeks of school! 3 more months in iowa... im old enough to smoke.. AHHH (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 17th, 2002
10:19 pm	i dont need this kind of crap grr (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
12:53 am	soothe lets see..where do i begin. i have had a very nonchalant spring break. i always expect my spring breaks to be wild, crazy, and filled with fun, but this week wasnt much different than any other, and it bothers me. i hate it when im bothered by seemingly simple things, and i hate being frustrated around my friends for my own problems and burdons. ive done a lot of sleeping this break, some things with friends, some bowling, but a lot of self-pity and thats not where i belong. i do such a better job with life when i stand on the outside and look at my own being in third-person, it seems. i should live without the politics of living, somewhat worry-free and having the knowledge that each day will start, and each day will end...so i might as well make the best of it all. tonight was not a very proud night for me. i met up with janelle, larissa, and courtney at classic lanes for some more bowling action, and i wasnt the normal brent. i sat to myself, without charisma, without personality, and seemingly angry for no reason...directed only at myself. i could tell in the eyes of janelle to just get over whatever was up, but thats seemingly impossible given the circumstances. by the end 3rd or 4th game we played, i neared normality and ended the night on a good note- thank goodness. there are a lot of things i need to change in my life, a lot of things i need to confront, and a lot of things i need to strive harder to achieve. ive set many personal goals, but i find myself too lazy to achieve them. one of the strongest goals im having problems with is being myself at all times. i may find myself in a situation where i tell myself "that i must be funny" for any particular reason, and just that political mind-scheme sets me far behind and overshadows the real me. just within the past year i have realized the reality of my existance and the frailties of life and im not coping it all very well. time goes on, and hopefully i will find myself constantly with a smile on my face, and outgoing personality, and a cheerful attitude. and thus describes my personal mission statement... its achievable. sleep time! Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Buckethead- Hillls Of Eternity (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 16th, 2002
12:21 pm	wow, this is odd... So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh? (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 14th, 2002
8:27 am	ive OD'd ive been sick since monday with a strange "dizzy" feeling. yesterday i figured out that i had been taking 24 hour claritin-D pills twice daily, and im certain that a side effect is dizziness. im not complaining though, i was able to take monday off work and school, and my rough draft for experiences in writing is extended through spring break. today is early dismissal, which will be nice, followed by a much needed week off. i dont have much planned, so well see what i end up doing. jenn is gone on a cruise until monday, and janelle is visiting her dad in utah until next thursday, leaving even more envy in the air. my parents and i had "planned" something but it fell through. if anything it will be a nice time of relaxation. im excited to goto work today for some reason, as if i knew i didnt have anything going on anyway. ah well. today will be a good day. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 10th, 2002
5:27 pm	ive finally figured out what livejournal, to me, is all about. the pattern has been that i post livejournal comments whenever im in a crappy depressive mood (with some exception, of course). hah! im posting right now! ...its so true... (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 9th, 2002
1:49 pm	floating with nowhere to....go life has been dealing a lot of face cards lately, it seems, and it has finally thrown down the one-eyed jack. its tormenting to hear that joshs grandma passed away this morning, i had no idea she was that bad. i didnt even visit her at the hospital, some human being i am. i cant deny the feeling that i was really close to grandma keltner, i think she thought of me as a second grandson most of the time. josh, you know you have my regards. nothing much has tranpired in the past month. ive found myself lazing around the house on fridays and saturdays wishing i had somewhere to be. its relaxing, but boring. school=good. life could be better in many aspects, but im not complaining. i need to get off my butt and make things happen. that is all. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Anathema - Barriers (Comment on this)
Friday, March 1st, 2002
6:26 am	yup, thats me I'm Scott Summers What X-Men Character are You? seminary starts in 5 minutes, were having a norweigan breakfast..mm.. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Therion- Uusalfheim (Comment on this)